What I Need Most

The boys and I were in an accident earlier this month. I'll write out all of the details here soon when things slow down.

We've had so many people share their concern and support following the accident. I don't even know how many offers of help we had, but it was such a blessing to know that people truly cared and were ready to support us.

Thankfully, the accident happened during Ben's slow time so he's had more availability that he would otherwise. Also, the boys are older and not only pretty self-sufficient, but truly helpful. When asked of course.

Last week I had a lot of pain and soreness in my upper body. I could do very, very little. Toward the end of the week I was really starting to feel better. While not 100%, I could see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Then, out of the blue yesterday, I came down with a stabbing headache. Nothing helped until I took Ibuprofen so I could sleep. Imagine my dismay when another headache started up just hours after waking this morning.

I dealt with it until the afternoon when I took an Epsom salt bath and then slept. For two hours! Upon waking up, I couldn't drag myself out of bed. As I lay there, I was inundated with guilt and shame for being "lazy" and being a drain on my family. Dinner was late. My youngest was on the ipad. It's a beautiful Fall day and we're cooped up inside. On and on.

What I need most when I'm sick isn't a meal or house cleaning or errands run. Our family does those things pretty well. What I need is to believe that my worth isn't tied to what I do. I need to give myself permission to slow down and do what is necessary to get my health back on track.

Ironically, if I could do that I would probably recover from most things even faster because I'd get the physical and mental rest I sorely need. And really, being able to let go of the relentless, exhausting standards I make for myself would probably lead to less stress and might keep me from getting sick in the first place.

For me, occasional forced downtime is a gift. It makes me grapple with one of my biggest issues. Issues don't magically appear when things are difficult, they are often there all along but are pushed to the surface when things get rough.

So, I'll try to do better this time around. I'll remind myself of truth. I'll try to extend the same love, concern, and grace that I'd extend to a friend or family member going through something similar. And I'll embrace the blessing of the reminder that I'm so much more than what I can check off of a to-do list.


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